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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29327400">O-Pay Me: Babysitting Demons Isn't Easy!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worship_The_Potato/pseuds/Worship_The_Potato'>Worship_The_Potato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shall We Date?: Obey Me!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Comedy, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Mental Breakdown, Other, Tags Are Hard, Toddlers, but someone fucked up, for once it isn't diavolos fault, my mc is a chaotic idiot, no beta we die like lillith, or simeons, or solomons, thats a mystery, the bros are toddlers, this girl cant save anyone or anything, toddlers are stressful</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:49:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,963</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29327400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worship_The_Potato/pseuds/Worship_The_Potato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Zoe wakes up one morning to find the demons brothers turned into toddlers, she knows it's up to her to save the day a-- Wait... no? She doesn't save the day? Ah...</p><p>When the demons in the House of Lamentation are turned into toddlers, it's up to Diavolo and Solomon to find a solution and lift the spell while Zoe fights to keep them, and her sanity, in check.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Toddlers? Demons? There's A Difference?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Beeeeeeel! I’m eating your custard!”</p><p> </p><p>Silence answered, the empty kitchen echoing with Zoe’s words. The room was as clean as it had been the night before, an event that never happened in the House of Lamentation. Where was everyone? Where was the food? The smell of Lucifer and Mammon’s morning coffee? Asmodeus’ Earl Grey tea?</p><p> </p><p>“This custard tastes amazing!”</p><p> </p><p>The blond paused and waited once more, green eyes locked on the entrance to the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>“…okay, that didn’t work,” she muttered, putting the custard away. She hadn’t eaten any, of course. Who in their right mind would? She’d learned her lesson…</p><p> </p><p>Glancing at the clock, she frowned.</p><p> </p><p>Noon.</p><p> </p><p>Noon in the House of Lamentation and the kitchen was empty. Noon in the House of Lamentation and she only left bed fifteen minutes prior. Noon in the House of Lamentation and she hadn’t seen hide or hair from Mammon or Lucifer. She hadn’t heard from anyone for that matter…</p><p> </p><p>Beginning to leave the kitchen, she worried her bottom lip. She headed for Mammon’s room, wondering if maybe he’d gotten drunk before bed and was now suffering the consequences.</p><p> </p><p>“Lucifer’d still force them to get up,” she thought aloud. “At least it’s the weekend, though.”</p><p> </p><p>Zoe jogged up the stairs, patting her hand against her thigh nervously in a rhythmic manner, whistling nervously.</p><p> </p><p>What if she were in some alternate dimension… thing? The brothers were actually awake and walking around, living, yet she couldn’t see them and they couldn’t see her? A shadow realm? A curse in the house that sentenced her to live there until she died? She saw something similar to the first in a kids cartoon about alien robots.</p><p> </p><p>“But this isn’t a cartoon,” she reasoned, approaching Mammon’s room. It was far from it.</p><p> </p><p>She raised her hand, ready to knock on his door.</p><p> </p><p>A horrifying shriek exploded from inside before she could even touch the door. The loud, mournful, terrible sound chilled her veins, freezing her to the spot.</p><p> </p><p>Zoe waited.</p><p> </p><p>Sniffles came from the other side, followed by a weak whimper.</p><p> </p><p>“…Maaaaammon?”</p><p><br/><br/>“Zoe?” a small, childish voice asked, the wailing starting up once more. “Z-Zoe!”</p><p> </p><p>She threw the door open and ran into the room, stopping right in front of his bed. A sobbing toddler stared back, white hair disheveled and in need of more brushing than usual, his clothes laying around him in a pile. His bottom lip quivered and he raised his arms, making grabby hands at her.</p><p> </p><p>“You… you want me to pick you up?” she asked, pointing at herself. “Me? I trip over air!”</p><p> </p><p>“Mmmm, Zoeee!” Mammon wailed, tears trailing down his cheeks, little eyes red from crying a—</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay! Oh my gosh, you look so sad,” she whispered, hesitantly picking him up and holding him close. “We need to get you clothes… I’ll call Simeon—”</p><p> </p><p>“No!” he begged, arms wrapped around her neck tightly.</p><p> </p><p>Huffing, she rolled her eyes, carrying him from the room. “Yes. You’re wearing your shirt as a skirt… kilt… thing. I dunno. You need real clothes, my guy. Anyways, if everyone’s like this… I don’t want to think about it. Let’s go check on… Belphie. I mean, he’s a safe bet, right? Right. And I’ll call Simeon while I’m at it. I doubt Pridey McPride face would be here. He’s probably with Lord Diavolo. Right?”</p><p> </p><p>He stared at her, blinking as if he was trying to understand what she was saying.</p><p> </p><p>“…but it is still a good idea to call someone. Lord D would be most likely to be hangin’ with Luci. Never know what’s going on, to be fair,” she nodded, pulling out her D.D.D. and dialing the Demon Lord.</p><p> </p><p>“No!”Mammon screeched, reaching for the phone. “No, no, no!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey! Stop that! Mammon, you’ve stopped being drop dead adorable!”</p><p> </p><p>Oh. Oh, Zoe knew she made a mistake the moment the words fell from her mouth. Mammon’s lips quivered even harder, which she wrongly assumed couldn’t be done, and his tears returned like the destruction of a dam, felled by one boulder to his small, fragile heart of glass.</p><p> </p><p>“No! No, no, no, no, you’re so adorable and handsome and sweet and I’d eat Solomon’s cooking for you, baby!” she gushed, kissing his forehead in an attempt to ease his pain. “You have the prettiest wittle eyes! And da pwettiest wittle nose! So cute!”</p><p> </p><p>“…thank you? I think?” Diavolo offered, having answered her call.</p><p> </p><p>“Lord Diavolo! Not you! Well, maybe you, I don’t know, I mean, I was talking to Mammon, but I’d die for you too! I think. Maybe. Wait, that’s off topic, I’m sorry, aaaaah,” she blushed, only capable of imagining how dead she’d be when Lucifer found out. “Is Lucifer with you? Or anyone else?”</p><p> </p><p>Responding slowly, still horribly perplexed, Diavolo responded, “No, I haven’t seen him since yesterday. I texted him last night but he suddenly stopped replying. Is everything okay? I hear a baby.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s Mammon,” she answered, silently cooing as said Avatar of Greed laid his head on her chest, sniffling and gifting her with a small, forgiving hug. “Ohmygoshyou’resocuteIwannasqueezeyouMammymoo… ah, um, sorry. I need to go. I have to call Simeon to see if he’d be willing to go shipping for toddler cl—OH I forgot! Mammon’s a toddler. I have a small hunch everyone else might be too, just because I haven’t seen anyone and Beel didn’t react to me threatening his custard. That’s kind of a dead giveaway right there…”</p><p> </p><p>“Toddlers? The demons in the House of Lamentation might be toddlers?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mammon definitely is,” she stated, climbing the stairs to the attic. “I’m checking Belphie right now, aaaaaannnn…,” she opened the door, finding a toddler passed out, head just barely sticking out from under Belphegor’s blankets, “…nnnd yeah, he’s a toddler. Oh my gosh, he has chubby cheeks! How cute!”</p><p> </p><p>“No…,” Mammon pouted, grasping her blond pixie cut and gently tugging. “Me. Me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re cuter, don’t worry,” she snickered. “Ah, sorry, Lord D. I’m getting distracted.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry about it! Barbatos and I can head over here in a few minutes. If you’re right and all seven of them are toddlers, you’ll have your hands full,” he stated, voice dead serious. However, his cheery voice returned. “And just imagine how cute Lucifer must be! We’ll see you soon, Zoe. And don’t worry about contacting Simeon. We’ll do the shopping.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll pay you back, Lord Diavolo!” Zoe promised, grimacing as Belphegor looked up and scowled. “Just let yourself in when you get here. I’ll make sure the door is unlocked. See you soon!”</p><p> </p><p>She hung up before he could protest her repayment. If Lucifer found out, she was dead meat. So she’d make sure he didn’t… for as long as possible.</p><p> </p><p>“Morning, Belphs,” she smiled, shuffling towards the bed. “Can you understand me?”</p><p> </p><p>“…bed,” he mumbled, closing his eyes and cuddling into the blanket.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay…,” she nodded, backing up. He wasn’t one to toss and turn as far as she knew so she assumed she could leave him there. Honestly, she knew the bare minimum about him after he got out of the attic. She wasn’t one to want to know more about her murderer turned okayish acquaintance, no matter how hard he tried.</p><p> </p><p>He whined and looked over, pouting at her.</p><p> </p><p>“I have to check on Beel,” she stated, lips pursed. He’d probably eaten the blanket by now…</p><p> </p><p>“Wanna see ‘im…”</p><p> </p><p>Zoe slouched, head hung for a moment before nodding. “Okay. I have to pick you up though. I don’t know how much foot-floor coordination you have and I don’t know how to patch up kids. Or broken noses. Or have any medical knowledge at all. Gosh, I’d make a terrible babysitter…”</p><p> </p><p>Belphegor nodded, glaring at Mammon when he began to protest. Once both boys were on a hip, she left the room and began a slow, careful descent of the attic stairs. She barely made it halfway down when Belphegor fell asleep.</p><p> </p><p>Out in the hallway, she sped down the hall and stopped, barging in without even uttering a word.</p><p> </p><p>“Beel! Drop that! You can’t eat the bed-frame!” Zoe screeched, eyes wide in absolute horror.</p><p> </p><p>The ginger stared at her, wood in his mouth. He quickly spit it out. “I sowwy… I… I… hungie,” he whispered, sadly. He slowly padded towards her and hugged her leg.</p><p> </p><p>“Ohmygoshmyheart…,” she cooed, crouching down with a small grunt. “It’s okay. You know what, I think you’re a very responsible boy, Beel. So responsible, in fact, that I’m gonna let you take care of your brothers and eat while I find everyone else! Do you like that plan?”</p><p> </p><p>Face immediately brightening up, he nodded, holding his far-too-large shirt’s bottom like a dress. “Dowtears?”</p><p> </p><p>“...downstairs? Yeah! Can you go down stairs?” she asked.</p><p> </p><p>He nodded excitedly. “Yeah!”</p><p> </p><p>“Good,” Mammon scoffed, clutching Zoe tightly. “No up.”</p><p> </p><p>Belphegor was still out cold.</p><p> </p><p>Leading Beel downstairs was surprisingly easy. In fact, she was shocked at how he fast he slid, yes slid, down them on his belly and scampered off into the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>Once in Beel’s favorite room, Zoe set the other two boys down, grabbing some paper towels as makeshift plates and fishing stuff from the fridge. After a few moments, she gave the three each paper towels with sandwich meat slices, a roll, and berries with the direct order not to eat the paper towel. She brushed her fingers through her pixie cut, moving some hair from her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay… you have food. I don’t think demons can choke on their food, or at least I hope not… anyway, I’ll be back. Beel’s in charge a—”</p><p> </p><p>“No go!” Mammon cried, making grabby hands. “No goooo!”</p><p> </p><p>“Mammon… look, I have to. The others could get hurt! And besides, uh… the better behaved you are for Beel… the… more hugs you get? Yeah!” she nodded, watching the demon toddler turn the thoughts over in his head.</p><p> </p><p>“More cuddles?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! And I’ll hold you real close, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“…okay. I be good.”</p><p> </p><p>Zoe fist bumped the air in front of her. “Right on! I’ll be back soon okay?”</p><p> </p><p>With that, she took off, jogging for the stairs and pausing there. Who should she look for next? Lucifer would be cross if she didn’t find him soon; he was likely already angry beyond belief, pride shattered. Leviathan was probably stuck his his tub-bed… she hoped.</p><p> </p><p>That left Satan and Asmodeus, whose rooms were horrifically dangerous for toddlers. Satan’s room was filled with mountains upon mountains of unstable book piles, leaning this way and that, bound to fall at any moment if touched. Toddlers enjoyed touching things… greatly. Meanwhile, Asmodeus’ room wasn’t an issue… it was the connected bathroom. So many beauty supplies sat within the drawers, twist off tops a fun game for a toddler, their contents an exciting unknown, possibly deadly, snack. Nail and hair supplies were also there, making bodily injury more likely than ever.</p><p> </p><p>“Asmo it is,” she stated, rushing up the stairs, feet thumping as she raced for the Avatar of Lust’s room. She threw the door open, finding him sitting in front of the vanity mirror, smiling in awe at his reflection.</p><p> </p><p>“Pretty…,” he whispered, running his fingers down the glass.</p><p> </p><p>She stared, head cocked to the side in shock. “…dude… did you charm yourself?”</p><p> </p><p>Amsodeus jumped, looking at her and then around his room, little legs tucked under himself. He looked lost, confused, unsure of where he was.</p><p> </p><p>“You did… holy cow, bro,” she giggled, heading for his dresser. “I wish I’d gotten a photo.”</p><p> </p><p>He blushed and scowled at her, an adorable expression, really. He grunted as she threw the shirt on him and swept him into her arms.</p><p> </p><p>“You need breakfast, well, lunch, and Lord Diavolo’s on his way. We’re collecting Satan, too…” If he hadn’t somehow cursed himself.</p><p> </p><p>Collecting Satan was an uphill battle, as he’d ended up cornered by a stack of books on animal transfiguration and curses to turn ones enemy into inanimate objects. By some Devildom miracle, she left his room with Asmodeus and Satan, not Asmodeus and a kettle or a cup or whatever the Avatar of Wrath might have become.</p><p> </p><p>Leviathan willingly came with her when bribed with anime.</p><p> </p><p>Zoe quickly deposited the three in the kitchen, getting them some food and Beel more meat.</p><p> </p><p>She stared at her small, short army.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to go get Lucifer. I mean, let’s be honest here. He’s gonna be cheesed… unless he’s as childish as you guys. Which is a really good thing! But if he’s not…,” she groaned, leaning back on the counter and stomping her feet. “I don’t wanna do this…”</p><p> </p><p>Pushing herself off, she headed for Lucifer’s study. He was more likely to be there than anywhere else… right?</p><p> </p><p>Nearing the door, she took a deep breath, reaching for the handle in a halfhearted manner. It wiggled.</p><p> </p><p>Drawing her hand back, Zoe stared at it and leaned forward. It drew down and sprang up, followed by an angry growl from the other side. Lucifer was trying to escape the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Luuuuucifer?” Zoe asked, knocking gently on the door. “May I come in?”</p><p> </p><p>“Out! Now!”</p><p> </p><p>“Demanding as ever,” she mumbled, opening the door, eyes lowering down before snapping back up.</p><p> </p><p>“My tanks,” Lucifer stated, waddling out, face red with fury.</p><p> </p><p>“Whoooooa, whoa, whoa!” Zoe hissed, stepping in front of him. “Shirt. You need it. We’re going to have Lord Diavolo over soon. Who I kinda accidentally called cute among other things… it was aimed at Mammon though! Lord Diavolo just answered the phone when I started… and like… I… Luci… please stop looking at me like that…”</p><p> </p><p>If toddlers could kill…</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. This Just In! Demon Toddlers Are Demanding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zoe’s eyes shifted between Leviathan and Mammon, the trio standing in a circle, two or three yards between each other. She couldn’t lose again. Not this time. Not again. She would claim back her title, grasp it by the neck and draw it back to her whether it was done fairly or with a great deal of cheating, bribery, <em>whatever</em> would work against these children.</p><p> </p><p>The human flexed her fingers.</p><p> </p><p>The toddlers mimicked her, eyes dark.</p><p> </p><p>“One…,” little Mammon drawled.</p><p> </p><p>“Two…,” Leviathan whispered.</p><p> </p><p>“…twee…”</p><p> </p><p>“EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP!”</p><p> </p><p>The three hit the ground, the trio wiggling, writhing, and waving around on the living room floor with a fury previously unknown to the Devildom. The disappointed gaze of the Toddler of Pride fell upon them.</p><p> </p><p>Leviathan <em>had</em> been watching anime on his D.D.D., absolutely engrossed in some Sailor Moon, but became jealous over the attention Mammon was receiving. This led to their thirty minute long flop contest.</p><p> </p><p>In her flopping, Zoe failed to hear the front door open and shut, the sound of Diavolo and Barbatos’ feet registering only to Lucifer and Asmodeus.</p><p> </p><p>“…is this a bad time…?” Lord Diavolo asked, standing in the doorway with a bag of baby clothes in his hands. Barbatos stood behind him with a few extra toddler care items, looking as serious as ever.</p><p> </p><p>Zoe froze mid-floor-wiggle, eyes slowly meeting the Demon Lord’s perplexed gaze. She jumped up. “…whassuuuuup! Lord D…iavolo! Hi. Ah… it’s a human world thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“How… intriguing! I do hope you’ll teach me about it after this is over,” he beamed, placing the bag on the coffee table.</p><p> </p><p>"I mean, I could, but like, Lucifer'd, y'know, sleep me with fishes or torture me..."</p><p> </p><p>He chuckled, pleasantly.</p><p> </p><p>Diavolo and Barbatos took in the room, making note of where each brother was situated.</p><p> </p><p>Beelzebub and Belphegor napped, clinging to each other in a mound of pillows Zoe had fetched from her room along with Belphegor’s blanket and pillow, sound asleep after their quickly assembled meal and custard dessert. Asmodeus was admiring his pictures on Devilgram, smiling extra wide when coming across pictures including everyone who lived in the House of Lamentation. Satan was reading Grimm’s Fairytales; to be more specific, Cinderella. Zoe couldn’t help but shudder.</p><p> </p><p>Leviathan and Mammon were still fighting for Flop Dominance, wriggling so hard the color of their faces resembled tomatoes.</p><p> </p><p>Lucifer slid off the couch, eyes on Lord Diavolo. “Hewwo.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lucifer… you’re so cute! Oh, when you get dressed I simply must get a few photos. You’ll look so dashing in some of these!” Diavolo cooed, kneeling down to get a closer look at the Avatar of Pride. “Oh, look, Barbatos! He’s wearing his formal button down… it looks like a kid imitating his father!”</p><p> </p><p>“No! D… D… Deba… Debabob…,” Lucifer babbled, eyes narrowed and lips pursed before growling. He seemed to be unable to get his words out. Cheeks pink, he turned away.</p><p> </p><p>“Look at him! Cute as a button.”</p><p> </p><p>Zoe snorted, hands clapped over her mouth in an attempt to allow Lucifer just a small, measly shred of pride left in tact.</p><p> </p><p>Leviathan gave a shout of victory as Mammon jumped up and threw himself around Zoe’s leg. The Toddler of Greed wanted attention and he wasn’t going to share, making this known by demanding, repeatedly, “Up!” to which Zoe obliged.</p><p> </p><p>“My Lord, I do believe it would be best to get the… Young Lords dressed as soon as we can,” Barbatos stated, placing some of the bags down.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, good point,” the Demon Lord nodded, turning his attention to the bags.</p><p> </p><p>Getting the seven demons dressed wasn’t as hard of a task as Zoe thought it would be. They were all dressed in simple shirts and pants in colors similar to their usual attire, save for Lucifer. He fought tooth and nail against wearing the tie Diavolo presented him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m surprised you managed to keep them all entertained,” Diavolo commented, taking a few photos of the boys. “And I’m surprised Satan can read like this!”</p><p> </p><p>“I… I don’t know if he can, if I’m honest,” Zoe stated, falling onto the couch with a huff. “There are some illustrations in there… hey, Satan, how did the story end?”</p><p> </p><p>Satan look up, grinning from ear to ear as he responded, “The bad sisters cut off their toes to fit the shoe! But Cindy got her happy end.”</p><p> </p><p>“…fun,” Zoe muttered, forcing a smile. “So, any idea how to fix this? Because, I’ll be honest, I don’t have the patience for children… I mean, I do but it honestly doesn’t last that long with kids… Last time I babysat some toddlers, I had to pay for replacement curtains. Kids and candles don't mix...”</p><p> </p><p>“But you’re doing so well!” Diavolo beamed. “I see this as a… first time parent thing. You’re worried! Anxious. But you’re doing very well. Isn’t that right, Barbatos?”</p><p> </p><p>“Quite well, My Lord. They seem to be housebroken already.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, the last measly shreds of Lucifer's pride crumbled away, leaving a sulking, disgruntled child to pout and scowl.</p><p> </p><p>“I am? Huh… I guess I am! Just ah,” she grinned, smugly looking at her short nails while Mammon scrambled onto the couch. “Just call me Zoe: Demon Child Tamer of The House of Lamentation. Exchange student extraordina—”</p><p> </p><p>Mammon, grasping her face and putting his nose to hers, stared straight into her eyes, unblinking, motionless, a serious and businessy look to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Zoe?”</p><p> </p><p>“…yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“You pommised cuddles. I was good. Gib. Me. Cuddles.”</p><p> </p><p>Zoe’s eyes slowly wandered to Lord Diavolo, who held his D.D.D. up, recording the interaction with a wide, pleasant grin. He’d be no help.</p><p> </p><p>“Zoe. Cuddles. <strong><em>Now</em></strong>.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Keep it Secret, Keep it Sa-Or Not</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm not really all that happy with this chapter but like... oh well. Enjoy?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hmm… I wonder where Beelzebub went,” Zoe sighed, lips pursed together tightly in an attempt to hide her amusement.</p><p> </p><p>Beel giggled behind her, “hidden” under the dinner table. His little shoes and legs peeked out from behind the table cloth, hands grasping at the sheet. Zoe assumed Belphegor was with him, probably napping during the game of hide and seek. He’d done so the past two rounds and she would bet left knee cap he was doing so again.</p><p> </p><p>Barbatos has taken up the role of seeker first, locating Zoe and Diavolo first so they could make a plan regarding the now Toddlers of Sin and what they planned to do. The sole human of the group made it clear she wanted Solomon no where near the brothers unless absolutely necessary. Her relationship with the sorcerer went nothing beyond knowing his name, that he had some sort of pact addiction, and that he couldn't cook. She kept her distance.</p><p> </p><p>If she were honest, he shared too many traits with Loki from Marvel movies. She wasn’t a fan of the character… Besides, what if he tried to take advantage of the brothers during this time to forge more pacts?</p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes of arguing, she and Diavolo made a deal. If the brothers weren’t back to normal within three days, they would involve Solomon, unless he found out for himself.</p><p> </p><p>Round two saw Satan as the seeker; however his seeking was cut short when Mammon was found clinging to the chandelier in the foyer, nearly fifteen feet off the ground and bawling his eyes out.</p><p> </p><p>Now, Zoe took the mantle of seeker. She found Barbatos easily, because he stood mere feet from her, checking his watch. He was clearly no fun.</p><p> </p><p>“Beeeeel… where are you? Come on out!” she called, looking around and biting her lip.</p><p> </p><p>He snickered again. “Beffie… Beffie, wook!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ngh…”</p><p> </p><p>“I wonder where that genius hider is… hmm…,” she slowly stepped towards the table, leaning on it and sighing. “I might as well give up! Unless…”</p><p> </p><p>Zoe dropped down, cackling like a hyena and grinning as Beel squealed and giggled. Belphegor simply jumped, scowled, and huffed.</p><p> </p><p>“Das not nice…,” Belphegor huffed, holding his pillow to his chest. “Rood…”</p><p> </p><p>“You foun’ us!” Beelzebub giggled, crawling out with his brother behind him.</p><p> </p><p>Kneeling in front of them, Zoe grinned, helping them dust the boys off. “You bet I did! You two hid so well! I almost didn’t find you, you know. Now, why don’t you help me find the others? Then we’ll see what’s up next.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nap…,” Belphegor whispered, rubbing his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon. Sa'an’s dis way.”</p><p> </p><p>Picking up the younger twin, albeit cautiously, Zoe followed Beel into the living room and allowed him to pull her by her pant leg to one of the sofas. He put his finger to his mouth and pointed under the couch. Zoe nodded, zipping her lips closed.</p><p> </p><p>Getting on her knees and carefully shifting Belphegor to keep him safe, she leaned to the side. She went lower, lower, lower, until finally meeting Satan’s blue-green eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“’Sup.”</p><p> </p><p>“…Sa’an’s not hewe… come back later…”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m looking right at him!” she giggled, offering him her free hand. “Come on, bud. I’ll let you fish Lucifer out of his hiding spot if you come with us. Deal? And you get some extra ice cream after dinner if you find him in the next five minutes!”</p><p> </p><p>That was a lie. Everyone would get extra ice cream… with chocolate sauce… and sprinkles… Did they even have sprinkles in the kitchen? If they didn't, she'd just sprinkle some sugar over the top. That worked just as well, right?</p><p> </p><p>Satan grinned diabolically, nodding enthusiastically as he slipped from under the couch and trotted off in search of the eldest brother, snickering like a mad scientist over his creation.</p><p> </p><p>Zoe found Levi in the kitchen, eyes glued to his D.D.D., watching a Sucre Frenzy music video.</p><p> </p><p>“…you… you were supposed to hide…,” Zoe stated, changing which hip she held Belphegor on. “Levi… nevermind. You’re still adorable.”</p><p> </p><p>“’M not cute!” he snapped, standing up and heading for the living room in a huff.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes you are, you adorable otaku!” she called, grinning cheekily. “…I really hope you guys don’t think I’m picking favorites…”</p><p> </p><p>Belphegor shot her a glare, sneering, “Nap.”</p><p> </p><p>“Gee, okay, Mr. Murder Cow,” she snorted, rolling her eyes. “We have to find Mammon, Lucifer, and Asmodeus first, okay? I’ve given up on finding Diavolo. Don’t tell Lucifer I dropped the Lord bit…”</p><p> </p><p>He groaned, leaning against her tiredly. "Wooshifer sucks. He so bossy..."</p><p> </p><p>"Is that so?"</p><p> </p><p>The doorbell rang, echoing through the house.</p><p> </p><p>“I bet that’s something from Akuzon for Levi,” Zoe stated, deciding to be the mature adult head for the front door to retrieve mail. Maybe open it too. And hope it had candy... “I think he gets waaaay too much from that site, y’know? Like, dude, chill out on the spending! …that Ruri-Chan candy stuff was pretty good though.”</p><p> </p><p>Belphegor merely grunted, playing with the collar of Zoe’s shirt. “Yeah… I think…”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re pretty mellow for a kid, aren’t you?” she hummed, watching him closely as she neared the door. “Kinda sucks you’re so quick to murder under normal circumstances.”</p><p> </p><p>She peeked through the front window, smiling at the Purgatory Hall gang and waving to Luke, who eagerly wave ba—</p><p> </p><p>“Shoot!” Zoe shouted, slapping a hand over her mouth and jerking back. She put Belphegor down, grasping his shoulders. “Find Lord D, quick! Tell him it’s an emergency! Or find Barbatos and he’ll find Lord D. Go!”</p><p> </p><p>Blinking, Belphegor slowly turned around and toddled off, yawning cutely.</p><p> </p><p>"Belph, go! Hurry! Uuuugh, why did I have to carry you..."</p><p> </p><p>Steeling her nerves, Zoe turned to the front door, swallowing the growing lump in her throat and rubbing her sweaty palms on her pants. The muffled voices of her friends and, in Solomon’s case, acquaintance, were impossible to understand through the door, though she could tell it was a cheery conversation. Simeon’s voice calmed her slightly, at least.</p><p> </p><p>She reached out and opened the door, doing her best to act as she normally did.</p><p> </p><p>…how did she normally act? How perky was she?</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head and bounced, huffing in an attempt to amp herself up. Throwing the door open she leaned out, blocking the entrance with her body.</p><p> </p><p>“…heyyyyyy, you guyyyys!” Zoe beamed, pointing finger guns at the trio. “Sup? Ha-how are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Zoe! I’m glad to see you’re well and safe, even in such a dangerous house,” Luke greeted, cheerily, eyes sparkling like little fireflies.</p><p> </p><p>Simeon gave a soft smile, nodding his head. “It’s lovely to see you, Zoe. We’re all doing well.”</p><p> </p><p>“How about you? You look… disheveled!” Solomon laughed, looking her over in amusement. “And… is that… did you get bitten by something?”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” she asked, following his hand as he pointed to her hand. A small bite mark sat on the lower part of her hand, around her thumb. She received it from Asmodeus during a fight between him and Mammon, who stole the little narcissist’s mirror. “Oh! Oh this! I… I did this, accidentally,” she lied. “You see, ah… I’m kinda… home alone… ish… and heard something in the attic! And like, I flipped out, right? And I slammed my hand on the table and… uh… it hit something. That didn't bite. I'm just really dumb.”</p><p> </p><p>“Zoe… you’re a horrid liar,” Simeon stated, staring at the small mark suspiciously, though he made no move to invade her space. “I, personally, won’t pry. If you don’t feel comfortable telling us, we shouldn’t push on your boundaries.”</p><p> </p><p>“But, Simeon! What if—”</p><p> </p><p>“No ‘what ifs,’ Luke.”</p><p> </p><p>“…I agree,” Solomon nodded, thoughtfully.</p><p> </p><p>Zoe breathed out a sigh of relief. “So… what brings you here?”</p><p> </p><p>Solomon held up a book. “Satan offered to let me borrow one of his books. We did an exchange of sorts,” he answered, reading the title. “Herbs and Spices: On the Mystic Attributes Related to Edibles. I plan to incorporate much of this into the meals at Purgatory Hall.”</p><p> </p><p>Simeon went pale. That was one way to put the fear of god into an angel, Zoe supposed.</p><p> </p><p>Continuing, Solomon informed her, “I offered, in the trade, to give Satan time a favorite of mine. Time: On Age and Magic. I’d like to return his book and get mine back.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oooh! Oh, yeah, that’s understandable,” she nodded, a forced smile eating at her face. If she could shoo them away but keep the book for a while, she might find a fix to the whole fiasc-</p><p> </p><p>Unless the book caused their issues.</p><p> </p><p>Solomon cleared his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“…and to do that I need to see Satan.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, totally!”</p><p> </p><p>“…which involves entering the house.”</p><p> </p><p>"Yup... yup, it does...," she nodded, swallowing thickly. "It involves entering... the house... the House of Lamentation... which I'm alone in. Right now. With no one else. At all."</p><p> </p><p>"Are you hiding something?" Simeon asked, head cocked to the side. He knew the answer to that. Darn hot angel.</p><p> </p><p>Zoe's mind, reeling to find an answer, opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, until her eyes snapped to an area behind the gang, by about fifteen feet, where Satan stood, a fistful of Lucifer’s papers in his small hand. His eyes were aimed above the front door, far above. He scowled, shaking his small fist.</p><p> </p><p>Putting two and two together, Zoe felt her blood run cold, eyes snapping to the eldest angel when he spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“Luke? What is it?”</p><p> </p><p>Luke stared up at one of the mansion’s window’s, jaw slack.</p><p> </p><p>Simeon, Solomon, and Zoe followed his gaze, finding Lucifer hanging from a window and staring down at them in demon form, his small hands clinging to the ledge.</p><p> </p><p>“…Doe…,” Lucifer whispered, lips pursed at his greeting. He slowly glared over at Satan.</p><p> </p><p>The Purgatory Hall group followed Lucifer’s line of sight, finding Satan fuming behind them.</p><p> </p><p>“Go eat DIWT!” Satan shouted, tearing up the paper, which infuriated the Toddler of Pride. “And CHOKE! Das not how you play hide and SEEEEEEEK!”</p><p> </p><p>The Toddler of Wrath screamed, storming into the House of Lamentation, feet thudding on the ground below him. As he passed Simeon, he stuck his tongue and blew.</p><p> </p><p>“Pwick!”</p><p> </p><p>Patting Satan’s head while he left, Zoe sigh and watched him go. She turned to Solomon.</p><p> </p><p>“…so… about that book you let Satan borrow…”</p>
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